Passions

[Kay has second thoughts about being good] Miguel is going to be mine no matter what I have to do! Charity, be damned! As God as my witness, I'll never be good again!

[Esme can't seem to remember Noah's name] It's Noah! Remember? The ark? All the animals?

'Escort', 'friend', 'tour guide' - they're all euphemisms for 'gigolo', Noah.

Esme? What kind of name is that? Forgot who I was talking to. To someone named Fancy, Esme actually sounds kind of normal.

[Noah insults Fancy] Oh, go suck an egg.

It's hard getting a license when you're underage. Plus, I kept forgetting that the states have speed limits. In parts of Europe they don't, you know.

[to Esme] If you're expecting anything more from Romeo here, I wouldn't get your hopes up. He was just telling me he's not a gigolo.

[Fancy comes to a realization after Alistair's marriage to Theresa] Oh, my God. You're my step-grandmother!"

Lucy Ricardo caused less havoc when she was smuggling cheese back from Europe!

I've had enough of the Don King routine, Timmy. Do something with your hair.

[Timmy speaks to a sleeping Charity] Timmy would lay down his life for you... if Timmy had a life to lay down.

[to Timmy] Do you remind yourself of anyone? I'll give you a hint. He was made of wood by a weirdo named Gepetto.

You know what they say about denial: it's not just a river in Egypt.

Oh the mortals these days! Using their Internet, email, cell phones, and text messaging, whatever the hell that is...

It's a sad day in America when the Cranes can't subvert government policy.

Theresa is just like that little pink bunny, she keeps lying and lying and lying."

[to Sheridan] "Studies I've seen say the number one reason marriages are successful is because the two people involved have a lot in common. You have a lot. Luis is common.

Blast that interfering next door neighbor of mine, Grace Bennett!

[to Alistair] Grampy! (repeated line)

Let me out! I have a bride to bludgeon to death.