Donny: Scotty doesn't know that Fiona and me do it in my van every Sunday.

I saw a gay porno once. I didn't know until halfway in. The girls never came. The girls never came!

[Spots a rival football fan in Paris] Hey lads, that wanker's got a frog football shirt on, let's give this Nancy a fucking good kickin'! Come on lads, it's goin' off! [Hooligans all chase the French football fan]

If you're not a Manc, you're a wank!

Oh, here it is. Bratislava. Hmm. Capital of Slovakia. [Points to Frommer's guidebook] Oh, here's a fun fact! [Jamie looks up, interested] You made out with your sister, man! [Jamie lunges at Cooper]

So, what's the etiquette on boners? Do I roll over and dig out a hole for it, or is it cool to just let my flag fly?

[To Jenny] You're just a really cool dude with long hair!

Hot European Sex!

We're from the Manchester United fan club from... [anxiously gulps] Ohio...

Later Bert, stay black, bro!

[Repeated line] I'm never drinking again.

PC Mail Notification: Beep-beep! Mail Motherfucker!

Ha, ha, look at Jamie's penis!

This isn't where I parked my car.