What is it with you people? What kind of twisted upbringing did you have? You know, why can't you just say, 'Oh, that'll be 100 gold coins'? Why does it always have to be, 'No! Not unless you lay a magic egg, or count the hairs on that giant's ass!'?

[after a mass poisoning] Anyone for seconds? [pauses to look around] No?

I hope you like dogs, Wendell. You're going to spend the rest of your life as one.

I'm gonna die of long hair!

All right, Mr. I-don't-have-to-look-but-I-can-chop-wood, your name is Rumpelstiltskin.

Well, at least things can't get any worse.

Time for walkies!

[When a farmer's daughter reveals that the fake Wendell has told her family everything] Oh, dear. That really was the wrong answer.

Well, it's "slice the fruitcake" time again.

I'm taking my half of the kingdom right now. Wanna make something of it?

There are no 'masters' here! Only one mistress! Don't forget that, doggy.

What a pathetic display. How DARE you, call yourselves my children!

You haven't seen my father walking around anywhere here, have you? Oh, he might have been singing "Whiter Shade of Pale".

[Meeting the village idiot] Do we have magnets in our pockets? How do we attract people like this?

I know your destiny. You'll ask a question, and die before it is answered.

[to his children, who have allowed Virginia to escape with his magic shoes] Idiot! Fools! I can't leave you alone for a minute! Your mothers would be ashamed of you!