Jon: Don't you realize how wrong it was to try and mail Nermal to Abu Dhabi?Garfield: You're right. Egypt's further.

Jon: Garfield look at you! You need to get in shape!Garfield: Round is a shape.

Jon: Well guys, how would you like to experience something real scary?Garfield: Hmmm, Jon's gonna sing.Jon: Something so spooky you'll never get over it.Garfield: Hmmm, he's gonna sing and dance.

Jon: I'll put a stop to this or my name is mud!Garfield: "Mud" should be back any minute now.Jon: (returns, covered with mud on his face) Hello, my name is Mud.Garfield: We were expecting you. [ from Dirty Business]

"A beautiful woman is interested in Jon and you're asking what's wrong? How long have you been on this show?" ~Garfield, to Odie

"People who sing like that should be drug out into the street and shot. Or worse, made to listen to a tape of themselves." ~Garfield [from Garfield's Moving Experience]

Jon: Garfield, come back here with that! I said you could have a light snack.Garfield: This is a light snack! A big snack includes soup. [from Beddy Buy]

Garfield: Are there any questions?Audience member: Uh, yeah! Is wrestling fixed? Garfield: Excuse me. I should have asked, "Are there any intelligent questions? [from All About Odie]

"In the history of mankind, no two people have ever been able to agree on the toppings for pizza." ~Garfield [from Binky Gets Cancelled, Again!]

"You should never say, 'Things can't possibly get any worse.' Things'll always find a way." ~Garfield

Binky: HEEEEEEEEYYYY, CAT!!! Aren't ya thrilled to see me?!Garfield: No.:Binky: I'm the handyman, who's gonna fix up your house!!Garfield: Note the worried look on the cat's face. [from Binky Gets Cancelled]

"That's the mad scientist's assistant, Igor. Mad scientists' assistants are always named Igor. It's, like, a law." ~Garfield

"What luck. Jon finally gets a decent quantity of food in the house and it had to be yogurt." ~Garfield [from Twice Told Tale]

"If this guy's a lawman, then I'm a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle." ~Garfield [from Speed Trap]

Jon: We'll go to that new multiplex in town. They have 37 screens.Garfield: All of which will be showing Kung-Fu Creatures on the Rampage 2. [from Video Airlines]

Jon: Garfield! How did you get here?Garfield: Knowing you, it was probably economy coach.

"Let me think how to solve this. Maybe I can call the Ghostbusters! Nah... that show was cancelled." ~Garfield [from Ghost of a Chance]

"You know what the sad part is? This is the sixth time Jon's taken me camping, and it's still the most fun I've ever had." ~Garfield [from The Bear Facts]

"Good morning. Sometimes, on the show, we like to teach you something a little educational. No, no! Don't change the channel! It's not that educational!" ~Garfield

"...Look what you've found. Do you know what this is, Odie? No, it's not a ball. It's the Klopman Diamond. A priceless gem, as well as a pointless running gag on a popular Saturday morning cartoon series." ~Garfield