Like I could tip a cow BY MYSELF!

You can take the girl out of the honky tonk, but you can't take the honky tonk out of the girl.

Honey, just 'cause I talk slow don't mean I'm stupid.

[after leaving Andrew at the altar as a thunderstorm is approaching] Hey, y'all! If you're friends of the bride, stick around! I'm gonna go find me a groom!

You can't ride two horses with one ass, sugarbean.

Since when does it have to be one or the other? You can have roots and wings, Mel.

You're the first boy I ever kissed, Jake, and I want you to be the last.

You dumb stubborn redneck hick.

[after Melanie tells Andrew that she still loves Jake at the wedding] I've never met anyone so manipulative, so deceitful...and I'm in politics.

Well, you must be Jake's hot date. I'm Melanie, Jake's snotty Yankee bitch wife whom he refuses to divorce even though I'm engaged to another man.

[to Lurlynn] Look at you, you have a baby... In a bar. [Lurlynn: Hell, I got 3 more at home! This one’s still on the tit, so I can cart him anywhere.]

[to Kate] Careful, you just smashed the state bird of Alabama.

[final line] Hey, Stella! Make it a slow one.

[to Melanie] Woo-oo. You look like sex on a stick in that Frederick Montana getup.

[On seeing her father in his Confederate uniform] Christ Almighty, Daddy, how am I gonna explain you in New York?

[about the divorce papers Melanie wants him to sign] The only reason I ain't signin’ is cause you've turned into some hoity toity Yankee bitch and I'd like nothin’ better right now than to piss you off.

[After punching Kate] Nobody talks to my mama like that! [Earl Smooter: Praise the Lord, the South has risen again!]

[Drunk, at the bar] Oh Bobby Ray....why don't you just go to a gay bar. [Eldon: What would B-Ray do at a gay bar?]

Nobody finds their soul mate when they're ten. I mean, where's the fun in that, right?

Well for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.