ウディ・アレンの誰でも知りたがっているくせにちょっと聞きにくいSEXのすべてについて教えましょう

Can we please have an erection? What the hell is going on down there?

Sperm #1: I'm not getting shot out of that thing. What if he's masturbating? I'm liable to end up on the ceiling.

With most grievous dispatch I shall open the latch to get at her snatch!

[the King has caught the Fool hiding in the Queen's dress] Hi Milord! Remember when you said if I was ever in town, I should look up your wife?

Divorce Court Judge: The defendant did commit an adulterous act with a sheep - most distasteful in view of the fact that the sheep was under 18 years old.

I don't know if you've read my book, "Advanced Sexual Positions: How to Achieve Them Without Laughing."

The Queen: Didst I feel aright or didst I feel that thy two hands did upon my royal body cop a feel?

When it comes to sex, there are some mysteries that should remain unexplored. And with my luck, they always will be.

Before you know it, the Renaissance will be here and we'll all be painting.