サンキュー・スモーキング

Michael Jordan plays ball. Charles Manson kills people. I talk. Everyone has a talent.

How many alcohol related deaths a year? 100,000? That's, what, 270 a day? Tragedy. How many firearms related deaths a year? 11,000? That comes out to a measly 30 a day!

When you're looking for a cancer kid, he should be hopeless. He should have a wheelchair, he should have trouble talking, he should have a little pet goldfish in a Zip-lock bag, hopeless.

Everyone's got a mortgage to pay. [inner monologue] The Yuppie Nuremberg defense.

Heather Holloway: My other interviews have pinned you as a mass murderer, blood sucker, pimp, profiteer and my personal favorite, yuppie Mephistopheles.

The rest of you people go slam your fucking brains against your desks until something useful comes out!

The great state of Vermont will not apologize for its cheese!

Joey Naylor: It's like you always said, Dad, "If you want an easy job, go work for the Red Cross."

50 million dollars?! Are you out of your fucking mind?!

Doak "The Captain" Boykin: You're family now. Tobacco takes care of its own.